• EKU Counseling Center
  • 521 Lancaster Avenue
  • SSB 371, CPO 52
  • Richmond, KY 40475
  • Phone: 859-622-1303
  •  
  • FALL & SPRING OFFICE HOURS:
  • Monday - Thursday
  • 8am - 5pm
  • Friday
  • 8am - 4:30pm
  •    Meet Our Staff
 

Parents


Welcome to EKU!

Your student's transition to EKU is an exciting time of change for all involved. Along with these changes often comes a full range of feelings from excitement to anxiety to sadness for parents and students. These feelings are a natural part of the transition to college, but there are some steps that you can take to ease the process. In addition to trying some of the tips below, please feel free to call the Counseling Center (859-622-1303) and ask to speak to one of the counselors. We will be glad to help in whatever way we can.


TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF  

  • Your feelings about the separation may be different than your spouse's but both of you are experiencing a major life change.
  • Share your feelings with other experienced parents, partners, friends...anyone who will listen.
  • Take up a new hobby... take a vacation after your student leaves home...read a book...get physical...do something for you!
  • Anticipate what separation from your student will be like BEFORE that day.

Be Prepared  
  • Say good-bye before you even get to the dorm so the moment doesn't seem rushed and you can say what you want to say.
  • Brace yourself for the changing of majors...the average is 3 - just so you know!
  • Be prepared to hate seeing your student's room so clean.

Knowledge is Empowering  

Stay Connected: For You and for Your Student  
  • Communicate: Discuss ahead of time how you will communicate regularly with your student (e-mail, phone, letters, etc.).
  • Get e-mail and learn how to use it.
  • Find your best calling night, usually Sunday, and ask how often - call without an agenda sometimes.
  • Send great gossipy letters to your student about high school news, sports, and hometown trivia.
  • Consider buying your student a cell phone.
  • Send family pictures, videotapes, audiotapes, funny cards, or clippings from your hometown newspaper.
  • Making and sending care packages that are really personal can be so much fun - like playing Santa (and often leads to a social gathering in your student's room).
  • Don't be shy in communicating how much you miss your son or daughter but do refrain from emotionally unloading.
  • Go to Family Weekend if at all possible. (Or - Decide with your student whether to attend parent's weekend. Lack of interest may be interpreted as lack of caring.)
  • Discuss good times for school visits...homecoming, basketball games, etc... and plan them.

Celebrate and Remember this Milestone: For Everyone  
  • Identify a ritual/ceremony that celebrates this rite of passage for your student and your family. An intimate visit to a favorite family vacation spot, a family party, or even a large neighborhood block party are some examples.
  • Save the e-mails and bind them for that graduation party.
  • Take lots of pictures...of their roommates...friends...packing...etc.
  • Write a letter before they go off to school about how you feel about them, their leaving, their accomplishments, them growing up.

TAKING CARE OF YOUR STUDENT  

Be Prepared  

Your student may experience psychological changes BEFORE setting foot on campus such as an increase in anxiety and worry. These are often due to relationship changes like saying goodbyes to life-long friends, increased self-doubts or doubts about college and concerns about leaving home. What you can do:
  • Provide support by asking gentle questions ("How do you think its going to be being away from your friends?")
  • Be understanding with the time your student wants with friends
  • Take advantage of spontaneous ways the family can spend time together
  • Encourage confidence: remind them of other times they have successfully coped with new places/new friends
  • Be there for them by increasing your time at home with them as the drop off date draws nearer.
  • Before your student goes to college, plan to discuss how to deal with the following: time management, finances, eating habits, laundry, safety, sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.
  • Divorced Parents: If applicable, discuss ahead of time how payment for college will be handled. This can avoid putting extra pressure on your student.
  • Let your first-day college student be in charge of moving-in. Recognize this is an important step for them in attempting to maintain control on a day in which they may be full of uncertainty.
  • Make their first birthday (or holiday) away from home a great one.

Develop a New Relationship with Your Student  

  • Be pleasant and flexible.
  • Talk in springtime about the summer/holidays-what you're expecting when your student comes home-hours, jobs, car, money.
  • Set a date for a team effort to clean up your student's room at home and reminisce.
    • For commuter students, helping your student to reorganize the bedroom can signal a move into a new phase of life.
  • Buy clear plastic containers to store their things in - so it doesn't look discarded, only saved.
  • Know your limits and what battles are truly worth it. (Most aren't)
  • Be available without hovering.
  • Let them make their own mistakes and achievements. No "I told you so's."
  • Listen. Don't give unsolicited advice (as one student put it: "if I wanted advice, I'd read Dear Abby.").
  • Don't cross-examine, lecture, or ask questions you don't really want the answers to. Instead, listen well and talk about yourself.
    • Include the mundane. It gives the student a touch of home.
  • Laugh often; say, "I love you" often; trust that you have done your job and done it well.

Siblings  

  • Recognize that your other children are also affected by this transition. Take them with you (if possible) to help with moving in their brother/sister.
  • Discuss their worries, anxieties, elation, and sadness that they may be experiencing from this new stage in the family life cycle.
  • Send a sibling to Sibling Weekend if at all possible ( Lil' Sibs: 1st weekend in April).

Troubleshooting  

Requests to transfer: if this comes within the first few months, be supportive and encourage them to hang in there for a little longer. Recognize that the transition to college is a challenging one and many students need time to make the adjustment. Extra support is needed now: call more, write more often, listen intently and empathize with them. Don't encourage a hasty decision. If, after a few months of attempting to transition and the student is still struggling, transfer comes easiest during a natural break, such as the end of the school year.

Wanting to dropout: financial debts, failing grades, difficulty in connecting socially...these are some of the reasons students consider leaving college. If your student is seriously discussing this, make a trip to the college as soon as possible to discuss this with the Vice President of Student Affairs.

If your student is experiencing emotional problems:
  • Stay in touch on a consistent basis
  • Ask how they are coping with stress and the changes
  • Try to visit once during the first semester, or have someone you know look in on your student
  • If you feel a problem is developing, ask generally how they are coping.
  • Take any sign that your student is having emotional difficulties (e.g., chronically sad, stressed, or depressed) seriously.
  • Contact the Counseling Center for assistance on how to respond, your student's resident advisor, or Office of Student Affairs.

Recommended Readings:  

Barkin, Carol (1990). When Your Kid Goes to College. Avon Books: New York.
Coburn, Karen L., & Treeger, Madge L. (1997). Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to Understanding the College Years (3rd Edition). HarperPerennial: New York.
Pasick, Patricia (1998). Almost Grown: Launching Your Child From High School to College. W. W. Norton & Co.: New York.
Van Steenhouse, Andrea (1998). Empty Nest... Full Heart: The Journey From Home to College. Simpler Life Press: Denver, CO.